If Walking Away from Life-Sucking People Is Selfish, Call Me Ms. Ego on Fast Legs

The world is full of well-meaning people willing to murder our Selves to save our souls. And because Fate’s sense of humor comes in all shades of nasty, the saviors rarely know what we want or need.

So, what’s a girl or boy to do?

If you ask me—and several of you have asked, hence this post—anyone who believes that their heartsease is more important than your happiness (and your sanity), deserves no space in your story. No one should have to stay in a relationship that sucks the life out of them.

But walking away is so freaking hard!

Yes, it is… especially when we’ve invested years on a relationship, or when the ones we must leave behind are blood relatives. Add cultural, social, religious expectations… to the mix, and detaching ourselves from certain people and groups is more difficult than leaving the Mafia with all our limbs.

Still, leaving is possible. It is often a necessity. And many of us have done it successfully.

There are some things to keep in mind: you aren’t an emotionally-barren beast (leaving will hurt for a bit); many people in your life, particularly the life-suckers in question, will do their best to shroud you in guilt (when they do this, remind yourself why you left in the first place); hold on to those who want to be part of your life without wanting to change who you are (they are your real family); and, unless miracle strikes, and those who kept you drained change so completely that they are now willing to understand that your life is yours to live, don’t look back (nothing good will come of it).

All this might seem harsh this time of year, when so many are focusing on family interaction and such. But this is often the most difficult season for individuals who attend gatherings not because they want to, but because they are made to feel that they must be there… or else they are scum.

People who love you won’t throw you into situations that leave you needing months of therapy, at least not on purpose. And if they insist on pushing you, after you’ve told them that their persistence is killing you, then your wellbeing is probably not at the top of their list.

I must stress that relationships between people are too complex to fit in a box (or a post). But some things are simple, to me: anyone who beats you, emotionally or physically, does not love you. And if they tell you that they do, then the bullshit that fills their hearts has probably spread to their brains.

Well, my Luvs, I must get ready for another date with the gut doctor. Do share your thoughts on this issue. Your honest insight is appreciated. Read you soon. Write you always. Be good. Be you. Be. ❤️

toxic-peopleToxic people are damaged energy.
Prevent them.

Upsilamba!

In Reading Lolita in Tehran, by Azar Nafisi, the narrator discusses “upsilamba” with her students. After suggesting that the word was probably an invention of Nabokov, she invites her students to come up with new meanings for it. I wanted to join the defining game, of course. To me, upsilamba (in the poem below) describes an eruption of emotions screamed into the world by a young woman who has had enough. If you haven’t considered Reading Lolita in Tehran, I urge you to give it a go.

“Upsilamba!”

Winter laid frigid
fingers on July flesh—

while my limbs were naked
and her howling whip
(breeder of gasps
and shivers)
should’ve been already dead.

Betrayal puckered skin,
forced chatter into bones
and avalanched cold,
cold rage.

“Remove the gloves,”
she commanded.

I bared crimson fingernails
(and white teeth), and shouted,
“Upsilamba!” in her face.

.
a wee note…
– Linked to the Imaginary Garden with Real Toads and to Poets United (Poetry Pantry 331).

red-fingernails-and-antique-typewriter