Kitten archbishop,
maintain your weight—amputate.
I’ve got a 12 inch rabbi.

Make a quick buck with
Penelope and Fungus
Crotch Chronicle;

of starting that fire with murder,
share nothing.

for the Imaginary Garden with Real Toads

Process Note: talented and clever Susie Clevenger asked us to use subject lines found in the gutters of our inboxes to craft a spoem. I’m obsessive about deleting my spam mail. So I had nothing to work with. A quick search took me to Cracked’s “100 Unintentionally Hilarious Spam Subject Lines”. I borrowed seven, did some tweaking, and you just read the result. These are the original subject lines:

Maintain your weight. amputate
Kitten archbishop
I’ve got a 12 inch rabbi
share – Nothing
Make a quick buck with – of starting that fire with murder
Crotch chronicle
Penelope and fungus

Spam Mailvia Glasbergen Cartoon Service

39 thoughts on “Fungus

  1. This is a really colourful (and awkwardly humorous) compilation of spam.

    share – Nothing

    is my favourite line.


    • I was tempted to add an exclamation point to “share nothing”. But the more subtle form seem to serve as a better conclusion for the surreal madness. The spam folder can be such a wasteland… a shocking, hysterical wasteland.

  2. “than fire”… should it be “that fire”? Wow … amputate, 12 inches, crotch, fire and share nothing… That’s got to make a few people cross their legs! Really funny.

  3. I LOVE the cartoon and …. I would love to see a photo of the 12 inch rabbi. You are clever to have found a source of spam lines…..I delete mine too but happened to have a batch on hand as I want to send them to internet abuse and havent had time yet. They threaten my peace of mind. Or piece of mind, whichever. LOL.

  4. Ha ha! Completely brilliant.

    I’m constantly blocking spammers in my email account. I’d like all those minutes, which have now possibly become hours, of my life back.

  5. You just started my day with some serious laughter, Magaly. I too, had no spam to work with so just gave up–very clever of you to find some elsewhere, especially some this funny.

  6. Ahahaha! Yes, Sometimes spam is tasty with mushrooms!

    I used to get “Lose 100 pounds in a week!” and “increase the size of your dick in seven days!”. So, by next Friday, I could be a ten pound penis…

  7. This is really great reading, Magaly. I generally don’t read the Crotch Chronicles anymore. I would pick the longest line at the grocery store and read those mags while I waited. Once in a while I would let someone pass so that I could finish.
    I am happy for Penelope and Fungus.
    I’m with you, the Spam can get out of hand. My Yahoo has from 150 to 250 (or more) a day. The Inbox is the one out of control. I generally spend a few hours when it get over 100,000 unreads. Right now my Yahoo box has 97,057 unreads.

    • I didn’t even think about how good old “Penelope and Fungus” are probably so proud of their chronicles! So yes, I’m happy for them, too. 😀

      My goodness you get that much spam? I would lose my mind!

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