If Walking Away from Life-Sucking People Is Selfish, Call Me Ms. Ego on Fast Legs

The world is full of well-meaning people willing to murder our Selves to save our souls. And because Fate’s sense of humor comes in all shades of nasty, the saviors rarely know what we want or need.

So, what’s a girl or boy to do?

If you ask me—and several of you have asked, hence this post—anyone who believes that their heartsease is more important than your happiness (and your sanity), deserves no space in your story. No one should have to stay in a relationship that sucks the life out of them.

But walking away is so freaking hard!

Yes, it is… especially when we’ve invested years on a relationship, or when the ones we must leave behind are blood relatives. Add cultural, social, religious expectations… to the mix, and detaching ourselves from certain people and groups is more difficult than leaving the Mafia with all our limbs.

Still, leaving is possible. It is often a necessity. And many of us have done it successfully.

There are some things to keep in mind: you aren’t an emotionally-barren beast (leaving will hurt for a bit); many people in your life, particularly the life-suckers in question, will do their best to shroud you in guilt (when they do this, remind yourself why you left in the first place); hold on to those who want to be part of your life without wanting to change who you are (they are your real family); and, unless miracle strikes, and those who kept you drained change so completely that they are now willing to understand that your life is yours to live, don’t look back (nothing good will come of it).

All this might seem harsh this time of year, when so many are focusing on family interaction and such. But this is often the most difficult season for individuals who attend gatherings not because they want to, but because they are made to feel that they must be there… or else they are scum.

People who love you won’t throw you into situations that leave you needing months of therapy, at least not on purpose. And if they insist on pushing you, after you’ve told them that their persistence is killing you, then your wellbeing is probably not at the top of their list.

I must stress that relationships between people are too complex to fit in a box (or a post). But some things are simple, to me: anyone who beats you, emotionally or physically, does not love you. And if they tell you that they do, then the bullshit that fills their hearts has probably spread to their brains.

Well, my Luvs, I must get ready for another date with the gut doctor. Do share your thoughts on this issue. Your honest insight is appreciated. Read you soon. Write you always. Be good. Be you. Be. ❤️

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35 thoughts on “If Walking Away from Life-Sucking People Is Selfish, Call Me Ms. Ego on Fast Legs

  1. You have given some excellent advice on this subject. This is the very time of year that I am relieved to have put on my walking shoes and left my “hurtful beasts” behind me. I will admit that I still ponder what they are doing but I am not foolish enough to go back into hell.
    Sending huge hugs to you my dear, Oma Linda

    • I think most of us, who have moved on, still wondering about how they are doing–it might be one of the things that makes us human. We prove to be slightly more intelligent human when we don’t allow that feeling to nudge us into returning to hell.

  2. Right now, they are all coming out of the woodwork on our tv screens. I am torn between needing to know what they’re doing, and trying to stay sane. Wise advice in this post. I hope the doctor has some good potions for your tummy.

  3. Before I read the passage, I have to tell you the funniest thing: I first misread the title with the hyphen as a comma! — “If Walking Away from Life, Sucking People Is Selfish …”

    Man that cracked me up. 🙂

  4. Ugh, and so much harder when kids are involved. I’m in the middle of feeling like I need to walk away from a toxic person that is attacking me publicly because of her own shit, but her daughter and mine are good friends. Trying to figure out what this is worth and how to honor my self without hurting others.

  5. “willing to murder our Selves to save our souls” … Wow. That’s powerful and thought-provoking.

    Everything about this post is totally right on. Love it. Inspiring. I totally agree.

  6. I am SO in the same boat right now that if you turn your head, the person you see sitting in the boat next to you is ME! *waves madly at you* I’ll show this post to Danny when he gets home from work tonight. (He’s the one sitting beside me in the same boat as you. 😉 ) ♥

  7. Originally, I had wanted to end a relationship but was talked out of it by a male friend.. I didn’t go w/my gut, I should of.. instead I withstood more brain washing from this horrid person.. and eventually, I ghosted the situation.. yep, I didn’t have the courage to verbally end it… If I had, it would of ended up in a heated argument w/ that person telling me what I did totally wrong.. so I took the quiet way out… He on the other hand assumed I thought that he was the one who was mad… and that I was afraid to talk to him… I could kick myself because others saw what was happening.. I kept thinking things would get better… sounds like a Lifetime movie doesn’t it? This was the second chance I gave him and what do they say ‘ 3 strikes’ you’re out… with that said, I didn’t feel bad.. I felt friction’ good, hallelujah!!!… I felt liberated, throwing stuff out that he had given me.. I threw away his clothes and whatever he left.. when he took the quiet way out… If I had known his plans I would of sabotaged that gorgeous camera I gave him… In the end, he suffered.. From 2009 till last year he kept trying to communicate in every form… It took two ‘ refused’ written on the envelopes for him to finally get it!… are we dense or what? 80% of me regrets it, what a waste.. the 20% made me grow up and realize that what they say about men is true.. when they say they are dogs, they truly are.. actions speak louder than words.

  8. You’ve touched my soul with this post Magaly! Really touched my soul. Not to brag, but I am so proud of myself, for what I have accomplished over the past year! Loving my true self! Discovering what each member of my family is about. Forgiving them and forgiving myself. Not controlling other people, only controlling my life. And, the list goes on! LOL! But, still my family says they really see no change. Especially one person, who, after my entire life, it hurts that she really has never know me. But, that is life! I am so grateful for everything and as we all know, no one has to validate you, except for yourself! I know 2017 is going to be another shift in my life. And, maybe that will be me changing where I live. Will guilt trips be laid, maybe! But, I have to be true to me! Love me! I will be here for support, as much as I can, but it’s time for this little crow to start the next chapter of her life!
    Love you Magaly! Love your art! Love your words! I hope everything went well with the gut doctor!!!
    Big Hugs 🙂

  9. Couldn’t agree more. You know I separated my life from one of my sisters a few years ago, and I feel so much freer since. This year I felt the need to do the same with a couple of virtual sisters due to political issues. One actually noticed when she was prepping a christmas gift for me(4 months later) and messaged me to ask what was wrong. When I told her she had requested those voting differently should “do her a favour and unfriend her” her response was hurt indignation, and that it was a heat of the moment thing…and that I was over reacting. Needless to say I didn’t reply. Sometimes it’s just easier to make a clean break XXX

  10. I did this with my closest school friend about 20 years ago. I was so tired of being a doormat, I threw her out of my home while they were visiting. After several years, she started knocking on my soul again. I listened to my intuition and have been polite, but the door stays shut. In hindsight, it was the best thing I could have done.

  11. We don’t have physical and mental ability to try to maintain “good” relations with every and each person who surround us. I myself really go by the motto ; be with those who make you happy and make you smile 🙂
    I am not responsible for someone’s dramas which they try to periodically show off, I don’t interfere and don’t comment. Let them be I think. Let me be too 🙂 Just like you said dear.

    have a great day and I wish that your guts will start cooperating during this magical holiday time.
    Love and Hugs!

  12. Woman, you must be reading minds. I have to imagine those of us who’ve left behind toxic people are battling with guilt and other negative feelings this time of year. I so needed to read this. Sending love and strength to you and all your Wicked Darlings.

  13. Well, I’ve walked away from one or two. Once it took much longer than it should have. But I did it. Its possible! It just has to be the right time. One has to “feel it” I think. And now, I am old and creaky and I had better be happy with what I have, yes? (I am! 90% of the time) 🙂 Thankfully!

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