“Borderlines forget the existence of gray. Life is a beautiful miracle, or a cesspool of despair.” ~ Borderline, by Mishell Baker
The sun on your face is heart-feeding music to my eyes. I kiss your eyelids once, thrice… move back to my side of our bed and watch you watch me, remembering how your touch, the taste of you… fills my bones with fire and might. A smile awakens your lips, and you say, “I love you.”
Liar, liar, liar, I think. I want to rip out my eyes, leave my Self dark. Eyeless, I won’t have to watch me in your mirrors, see a pitiful thing that’s not worth loving. I’m sorry. So, so sorry.
stop it, you breather
of rot that chills brain and bone,
I loathe you; trust me
I am made of wild mushrooms,
high… bright, a lover of rot
the (not so) wee notes…
– Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious (and complex) mental illness that steals emotional control. I have two friends who live with it. They are like night and day when it comes to their personalities… But their behavior (when stuck at either extreme of the disease) is very, very similar—self-destructive and malicious… or, all-giving and determined. Neither behavior lasts very long. And the in-between periods are filled with guilt and self-loathing. Many say that it is very hard to love someone who has been diagnosed with BPD. That hasn’t been true for me for quite some time. Listening to my friends, and spending a lot of time with one of them, I’ve realized that their emotional explosions are rarely personal. They can’t help how BPD attacks their bodies and minds. But we (their family, friends… society) can control how we react to their suffering. Remembering this bit—during the highs and the crashes—is the best way to truly show our friendship and our love for them. At least, that is what I think.
– On the technical side… I am really enjoying my exploration of books, prompts, and random bits of life through tanka-prose. I love the simplicity of the form… and the punch it can pack.
detail from the cover of Borderline, by Mishell Baker