New Aches Will Figure Out that They Have Nothing on My Old Agonies

My sexy body has been a bastardish diva for some weeks. My medications, chronic pain, the weather, and the fiendish chronic fatigue that comes with Crohn’s Disease have been actively conspiring against my comfort. But they are wrong if they think they can push my face to the wall, (um… to the pillow?) forever.

We (my brain and I) have been studying the situation very closely—we know our flesh and bones aren’t getting enough rest, we know that some of our chronic pain doesn’t come from trauma but from confused nerves that insist on betraying us. We need to be careful with our messed up hip, shoulder, foot, gut… But we need to exercise energy into our being. There are tons of things we can do to keep our heart pumping, to keep numbness from kissing our fingers and toes, to keep sleep from constantly riding our eyelids.

Exercise hurts. Not exercising hurts more… and nudges mind and body towards wasting away. I hate waste, and refuse to be its willing vessel. Tomorrow, I start running… again, at a very s l o w pace. The last time I tried to run, there was some blood… But my gut has been doing much better. I feel stronger.

These days, it’s fatigue that keeps me from moving as much as I would like to move. There are times when it’s rather difficult to keep my eyes open. I suspect some of the lethargy will go away once I can feed on the addictive bliss of endorphins. My doctors and my Piano Man and I are very hopeful. One of my doctors recommended a self-reward system. “After every successful workout session,” he said, “give yourself something you really like, something that lures your brain to get out of bed when you’re too tired.”

I thought the idea was silly. “I can’t think of anything I want, which I don’t have,” I said to my Piano Man.

“What about more money for buying books? It doesn’t have to be a lot (my lover knows just how cheap his lover can be *cough, cough*), maybe 25¢ for each workout. You can buy yourself a new book every…”

His words were drowned by the voice of my bookish greediness squealing about the new titles we would get. Then I decided that the reward had to mean something. So 39¢ (for my age) would make more sense. And if I skip a workout, I must give 39¢ back. Next year, I will get 40¢ per workout. My brain grinned.

As I’ve always done, I will run thrice a week, do calisthenics twice a week, dance once a week, rest one day out of the week, and stretch in the morning and evening every day. I know it sounds like a lot, but it really isn’t… once a body gets used to it. I can’t exercise as hard as I used to, but I can still do quite a bit.

I shall keep you posted. If we are friends on Facebook or Twitter, you will possibly suffer some of my moaning… particularly the first week. After the days of soreness diminish, and the new aches figure out that they have nothing on my old agonies, I will probably tell you about how good the whole thing feels.

1st Day of Week 1
Weight: 148 lbs. – Waist: 34.5 inches
Energy levels: in the dumps…

dont-fear-pain

43 thoughts on “New Aches Will Figure Out that They Have Nothing on My Old Agonies

  1. This is very brave and so right Magaly! Our bodies are forgotten by us, we basically just feed them and leave rest to the nature. But one needs to exercise for sure, I myself feel that I shall start some kind of body healing too.
    I am sorry you suffer and in pain… I wish it subsides and goes away soon!

  2. How about switching up your routine? I know I will do that and it will put me more into a positive mindset. As far as exercise, u do a lot… You want your endorphins up? How about power walking up a hill? that really got mine up, plus feeling the burn on the back of bum is key!. 🙂

    • One of the most difficult thing to accept for a person with nerve damage (who is used to exercise as hard as I am) is the fact that changing up routines is no longer much of an option. The main focus is always on finding exercises that my muscles can bear without being the subject to spasm or shooting pain. When it comes to positive mindset, if I were any more positive I would probably burst into flames, lol!

      It’s not negativity that slows me down, but physiology. There are days when my disease makes me so sluggish that I truly have a difficult time to keep my eyes open, and my balance becomes an issue. I’m happy, but so very sleepy… my limbs get extremely heavy… my words slur as if I’m intoxicated. Yeah, it’s a bit insane.

      I don’t do a lot for me. Remember I was an active Marine for most of my life. The body remembers. And once it has known something that makes it work properly, it wants more of it. I’ve had to unlearn so many exercise habits, relearn so many things that had no appeal in the past. Also, one of the biggest things to remember, when muscular degeneration and neuropathy are an issues, is that we need to move all the time. Even on my resting days, I must remember to stretch and do my hand and feet exercises. If I skip one day, just one day, my body (specially my fingers, wrists, and ankles) get very stiff.

      Power walking… The nature of my shoulder and shoulder injuries, plus the nerve damage to my side make power-walking murder for me. That kind of quick swinging of my arms feels like someone is jabbing a needle into my flesh.I do most of my running up hill, it helps me keep my balance.

      Like I’ve said in the past, the most important thing about changing with ones body is to remember that what works for others (or what worked for us in the past) might no longer be an option for us. Once we understand that, life becomes a much more manageable dance. Even an enjoyable one. 🙂

      Oh, and I’m not proofreading the ginormous comment. Because I’m feeling lazy. *cackles*

    • Thank you, Jonquil! That makes me smile with ruthless pleasure. 😀

      I’ve been thinking about that since the idea came into being. I don’t know yet, but it has to be very special. I shall tell you as soon as I find out. ♥

  3. I’ll be keeping up with this. I need some inspiration to get myself going. A reward system seems like a great way to go about it!

    There’s something about this time of year (and early February, too) that gets me down and lazy and whiny. There’s no medical component, I don’t believe, but still…

  4. You shame me little one….I just give in to the fatigue way to easily…maybe I should try getting back to some regular exercise too..like maybe once a month instead of once a year 😉 XXX

  5. Unfortunately your graphic describes me 🙁 I’ve let pain control me. By the time I get home from work I hurt so bad I just want to cry. I need to get some exercise, very limited on what I can do 🙁 Trying not to let the depression that comes with the chronic pain rule my life.

  6. Fabulous reward system. Isn’t it amazing how we have to go to war with our own body and resort to bribery or mental subterfuge in order to defeat the fatigue it tries to crush us with? Way to go. You’re an inspiration as always. That blackout poem is beautiful. Keep at it.
    You’re the toughest witch I know.

  7. Well. You know I can’t condone any of this. I will lay around 5 times a week, moan and rock myself to sleep 4 times a week, hate the world and thereforefuckyouandwhatthefuckdoyouwantfromme at least 6 times a week, and I will think about how I thought I needed yoga but then it turns out I am fucking blessed when it comes to bodily pain every single day of the week.
    But then I will remember that I do understand that we are all different and that I support the ones I love in whatever they need. I hope it works for you.

  8. I am going to start paying myself! That is a great idea!
    Magaly, you are in my prayers everyday! You know that! When I am at the gym, I will be seeing you working out right beside me! I’m not going to even complain how soar my legs are, knowing what you go through every minute of the day!!!!
    You go girl! You are an inspiration to a lot of people! I hope you know that!
    I am not telling my weight, yet! Cough, Cough! LOL! But, when I get down, I will share, I promise!
    I even hired a trainer for 48 sessions! Holy shit, expensive!! But, I’m worth it 🙂
    You are so right, pain will manage you and you will waste away! I am not afraid of pain!
    When I was looking at myself working out, I thought, Stacy, how did you get here!! Not putting myself down!!!! But, just going through the journeys of life, I kind of forgot about myself, until this year!!
    I love you my friend! Kick Ass, like you always do 🙂

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