She Harms None (but her inner witch beats them to a bloody pulp)

I don’t know why you waste your time. Perdita glared inside Agnes’ mind.

“He needs voice lessons,” Agnes said, as if Perdita hadn’t been in her head when Turbio Dirtkock asked if she could help him practice a few songs.

He hates you! Perdita tried to shout, but Agnes kept her lips tightly shut. You could be NOT eating somewhere else.

“You don’t have to be cruel.” Agnes almost sat on a partially fallen tree, but changed her mind. She was sure her luck and over-plumped form would make the tree collapse.

Cruel?! Perdita rarely screamed. She was eternally psychotic, but the screaming was anxiety produced by the upcoming meeting. Who asks for singing lessons in the woods? Turbio Dirtkock is… is coming!

Agnes had seen Turbio approaching, but Perdita had been probably too livid to mind Agnes’ eyes.

What’s wrong with his legs?

Agnes was wondering the same thing. Turbio was dragging his feet through the dead leaves, making two little trails with each step. “Maybe he got hurt while working.”

Ha! Perdita chuckled and Agnes let her. The day Turbio worked Agnes would enter a skinny witch pageant and lose because she looked anorexic.

Turbio stumbled into Agnes and tried to put his arms around her. “Agggnesss,” he said, and gave up on the hug. No one in Bad Ass had arms long enough to embrace Agnes Nitt.

Agnes turned her face, but Turbio’s 200 proof breath had already reached her eyes, and she was blinded by tears. “Get off of me!” Agnes was a big girl, but she wasn’t strong. Turbio coughed a laugh on Agnes’ face and she wanted to hurl.

“Pretty Agggnesss wants—”

Agnes pushed back from Turbio and let Perdita slap his face. She didn’t like to let Perdita use her limbs, but she liked insults even less. Agnes wasn’t stupid or pretty and she was okay with that, but she didn’t appreciate Turbio laughing at her. She didn’t mind when Perdita scratched his face.

“You stupid witch!”

Turbio’s hands looked gigantic when they smacked Agnes in the face. She froze and wondered about the salty taste in her mouth.

Let me, Agnes. Perdita’s voice was calm, and the request had been unnecessary. Agnes was in shock, cowering behind the fallen tree. Perdita looked at the piece of fabric Turbio held in his hands. She looked down at her exposed breasts, tasted the blood in her mouth, and sneered at the asshole hovering above her. “You should run.”

Turbio threw his sweaty body on top of Perdita and put a dagger to her throat. “Shhh, you want this.”

“Sure, I do.” Perdita rolled over and slammed all of Agnes’ bulk on Turbio. His body twitched under her. He dropped the dagger. She grabbed it. His eyes widened with shock, and his mouth readied a scream. “But I want this, remember?” Perdita gagged him with Agnes’ beefy right hand. The left one was sticking the knife over and over in Turbio’s neck. She stabbed, stabbed, stabbed until the hot blood flow made Agnes sick, and she hurled last night’s mutton on Turbio’s chest.

“Agnes?” Granny Weatherwax wasn’t sure who was holding the knife. No one ever knew with Agnes and Perdita. “Perdita?” Then the girl sobbed. “I see.” The old witch walked toward Agnes and thought about patting her on the back, but chose to kick the knife out of the girl’s reach instead. Agnes was a nice witch, but Perdita was dark and extreme. That was the reason why Granny didn’t worry too much when she heard Agnes was meeting Turbio (The Lusty) Dirtkock in the woods. Agnes harmed none, but her inner witch beat them all to a bloody pulp.

the wee notes…

– Perdita X Dream is Agnes Nitt’s inner witch. “As a child, Agnes had always blamed ‘the other little girl’ for the wrong things that she did. This may have been the beginning of Agnes’ second persona, Perdita. Agnes is a heavy, sweet-natured young woman who was often psychologically abused by her peers. For this story, I’m suggesting that Perdita is a combination of Agnes’ intuition and her sense of self-preservation (plus a bit of well-balanced justice).
– Terry Pratchett’s views on fan fiction (according to the Discworld FanFiction Archive): “If it is done for fun and not for money and not presented as if it’s some canonical work by the original author, then it comes under the heading of ‘What the hell’.”
– Linked to Sanaa’s Prompt Nights – Intuition’s as though we’re seeing with our soul.

Agnes and Perditavia


30 thoughts on “She Harms None (but her inner witch beats them to a bloody pulp)

  1. Whistles!!! ❤💜 My goodness this is absolutely incredible writing, Magaly 😀 I could visualize both Agnes and her inner intuitive self i.e Perdita fighting the odds and coming to a sweet conclusion at the end when she beats him to a pulp. Beautifully executed. Thank you so much for participating at Prompt Nights and for your constant love and support ❤💜

    Lots of love,

  2. Not surprising these two persona were housed together. The one needed the other. Granny surely is a wise one. Although dastardly noir. i did get a few chuckles along the way

    much love…

  3. One dreads if the inner voice should win over painting horror pictures and leads one on a wrong path. Still many are saddled with such happenings! Wonderful prose Magaly!


  4. Oh heck. We all have an inner demon… mine’s not so violent as Perdita, but very dark… Great work! I’ve never read any Terry Pratchett, by the way…

  5. Once again you had me by the title – and Dirtkock – tsk! I sense you had both fun with this and a space to explore the darker aspects of what it means to have an inner and outer life.. i think many of us would wish for the courage our inner witches seem to possess

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