(Intentionally) Perverted Senryū

“Country song goes… ‘Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky’. [To which] Jack [age 3] says, ‘Mom, whiskey makes babies?!’” ~ from Parenting, by Caroline Bologna

Yep, the coolest members of the human species are wee hysterical fountains of wisdom… who Create the Best (Unintentionally) Naughty Misspellings. Then, we grow up (on the outside), and the hysteria is totally intentional:

 

T is for tatas…
unless it’s cold (and you’re 5),
then T is for tights

beware of tall Dicks
to keep your neck from snapping,
opt for a short John

penis meals are hard
to swallow, it’s quite all right
to spit for comfort

I hope you laughed, my Wicked Luvs…

…life is always more glorious, when you “armor your-Self
with humor”. Trust me. I know things.

Once, I Had Poetry for Breakfast (and for Tea)

I let my breakfast sit for too long and it turned to vine.

nature breeds
wild spidery phonies
on fall weeds

my tea leaves
spring hearts, to help me
warm winter

.
the wee notes…
– I wrote the one-liner this morning, when I reached for a chayote to have for breakfast, and realized it had decided to grow itself a tree. The senryū and haiku, I wrote sometime last month. In the original version of the haiku, the third line includes the phrase “the fall”. I changed it for “winter” because, well… it’s quite frosty outside and my tea knows it.
– for Poets United.

Panicking Over What to Share for the Beautiful Freaks Fest?

If the nearness of the Beautiful Freaks Fest (it starts tomorrow at 9:00am, EDT) is making your muse (and you) feel a tad insane, know that you’re not alone. So, be happy—feeling crazy, while in the company of other deliciously deranged people, is all kinds of cool. Seriously, this might be the easiest party to create things for…

…at least, it should be easy for us (proudly odd souls). It might come as an awful surprise to you, but most of the things we love and do seem freakish to the norms (unimaginative souls who have never appreciated the noble depths of Wednesday Addams, Igor, Edward Scissorhands, Arya Stark, Dobby *yes, a house elf who takes pride in fighting for freedom and wages is a beautiful freak*).

So, there is no need for panic. Unless panic makes you happy. If that’s the case, then panic until you squeal with maddening delight. The following are examples of Beautifully Freakish stories, dolls, poems, sculptures, paintings…:

– “A Hauntingly Mad Tea Party”, a very short story by Magaly Guerrero
– “Arabella”, a doll by Emma Yardis (of @GroovyGothic)
– “Must Love Freaks”, a poem by Magaly Guerrero
– “Baba Yaga Jar”, a sculpture by Sharon Rawson (of @TouchOfTheGoddess)
– “Baby Ghoul”, a painting by Gina Morley
– Pretty much anything involving characters created by Neil Gaiman, Tim Burton, Edward Gorey… and movies and books that remind you of these artists’ work.

And if no fictionally creative idea comes to mind, just post a picture of yourself, caption it, “Isn’t standing in a cave in the middle of the desert, with a sharp rock in your hand and a murderous smile on your face the coolest thing ever?” Really, my Luvs, post something like that, and you won’t even have to explain why you are one of the Beautiful (and, perhaps, slightly terrifying) Freaks of the world.

The Beautiful Freaks Fest 2017, hosted by Emma Yardis and the Wickedest Writer of Them All, starts tomorrow at 9:00am EDT. I hope to read you there. And if you haven’t entered my stitched poetry giveaway, follow the link.

“Isn’t standing in a cave in the middle of the desert, with a sharp rock in your hand and a murderous smile on your face the coolest thing ever?”