More Boob Talk

It’s been a bit of a while, hasn’t it? Well, getting ready for chemo and radiation and such… is busy business, particularly when one is healthily fixated on finding out as much as one can about the procedures… the drugs… the side effects… and whether or not one can get a cranial prosthesis that looks just like Storm’s hair.

I mean, if cancer undearest is going to take so much of my time, the least the bastard can do is help me cosplay. I’m thinking… Okoye while my head is totally bald, Imperator Furiosa when my hair starts growing out, Misty Knight after my hair is a few inches long, and my Storm wig (I mean, cranial prosthesis  *cough, cough*) for whenever I am feeling like flinging wild lightning and making my eyes look creepy (which, knowing me, will likely be fairly often).

So… there I was, waiting to be fitted for a fake knocker—I doubt I will ever wear it with my regular clothes but need one for specialty items (like a paintball armor), which have spaces for two boobies). Anyhoo, I was sharing this gloriously creative idea with another prospective breast cancer ass-kicker, when the look of raw horror on her face made me… burst into laughter. I know… how awfully inappropriate of me, but… when have I been known for my social appropriateness? Exactly.

I apologized to the lady and explained that I was not laughing at her. But at the fact that her facial expression had been so extremely vivid that it looked cartoonish, and well… I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy (or a 9-year-old girl) who believes that nothing could be funnier than saying “fart” aloud or watching a cat get almost murdered by the mouse it wants to kill and devour (Tom and Jerry rocks!). I also told her that finding a way to make the best of things is what keeps me radiant (earlier in our conversation, she asked me how I managed to stay so radiant while she can barely get up in the morning, and she is not even as ill as I am).

After all the explaining was done, and after she started wondering if the wig people would let her get away with a cranial prosthesis that resembled Chaka Khan’s hair in the 70s (and before we were asked to step out of the waiting room because our raucous roaring was disturbing others), she decided that she would try really, really, really hard “to have fun with cancer treatment”. Once I heard those words dance out of her smiling lips, I walked around like a peacock—feeling all superior and all shiny all day. Not because I convinced someone to walk in the wilder (and louder?) side, but because I might have helped another human being find a way to make the best of an impossible situation, to do that honestly, and to do it for herself. It was… magic!

For moi (and for most, methinks), living with a collection of chronic illnesses and then being slapped with a disease that could be terminal isn’t easy, but… it doesn’t have to be the most difficult thing in the world. Like I’ve tried to point out in every Trinkets and Armor post I have shared, I believe that we can turn any torment into something we cannot just live with but thrive through.

I also believe that we must achieve this thriving in our own way. I do it by never allowing any person or group or social expectation to have the power to make me feel anything but perfectly me. Like I told the person, who while fitting me for a breast prosthesis, told me, “What your eyes see from above, when you look at the prosthesis, is not as accurate as what I see when I look at you from the front, and what others are seeing is what matters.” I gave her a smile fueled by the sort of hostility that kind of nonsense rips right out of my gut, and said, “Oh, my dearie, the way I see me and what I think of the seeing will always matter to me a whole lot more than anything you or anyone else can come up with. And since I am the first one on my list of who and what matters to me, whatever you say is less than crap.”

I know this person was just doing her job. And heck, she might even be right about my bird’s-eye view of my boobage. But… we start losing who we are when we stop correcting people about what is true about our Selves. And what I am, my Wicked Luvs, is sure… proud… and protective… of what I see in the mirror. Also, only a blinded fool could look at me without seeing purest Magaly-perfection. And, yes, I am also proud of understanding that my modesty goes beyond anything anyone can withstand without bursting into fits of uncontrollably wild adoration (or rage). 😀

Breathe… my Wicked Luvs, breathe… it gets easier when you breathe… then laugh!

 

and out of life, poetry:

I see perfection
in the mirror, pure wonder—
me, unchangeable
in spirit, willing to grow
into better fitting flesh.

 

 

a wee note…
– I stopped posting weekly Trinkets and Armor prompts because participation went down to almost zero. But worry not, my Wicked Luvs, I shall continue using the tag and you are always invited to add your insight to all my posts.

 

47 thoughts on “More Boob Talk”

  1. I love the three photos! It’s all about the attitude. I can hear u laughing w/ the other gal and I bet others were envious of the roaring. Your words are so uplifting but u already knew that

  2. I wish you could bottle that attitude! People would stand in line just to get a whiff. And, it just dawned on me that should there ever be a re-make of the movie, you would be my choice to play Tank Girl! You rocketh very much!

  3. I need some of your glorious, optimism and attitude. I don’t know how you do it… and girl, you are just glowing in those pics! ❤

  4. Well, that is inspiring. They say having a positive attitude makes a big difference in healing. I just know it’s going to make the difference for you, and thank you for sharing!

    • I’m more than convinced that it does. There is something about being actively happy and mirthful that keeps the blood flowing like it has to. I’ve been ill for a very long time, and I’ve always been able to stay afloat, but… when my little brother died happy was hard for a while… I got so sick then… and didn’t quite recover until I was able to be happy again. So, for happiness we shall fight!

  5. There is always a remedy for every ailment. It is a matter of looking for it. Being positive can make the genius in oneself to go towards the medicine without realizing it.It has a way of influencing the situation towards discovery. Good luck Magaly!

    Hank

    • Realistically, that isn’t true: all ailments don’t have a remedy. However, we can always find a why to make the best of our living even during times when our ailments have no cure. This I really believe.

      Thanks a bunch for the good luck!

  6. Don’t stop posting….we are still reading. I guess people are still trying to deal with all this news of yours. Not everyone can cope as easily as we merry few with your Superhuman attitude 😀 …and I guess some are just feeling that they don’t wish to add to your burden with their own stuff *which I know wouldn’t bother you at all* You Rocketh overly much and your minions sometimes hide from the glow of your awesomeness *not me…I bathe in it and grin back :D*
    When you get your “cranial prosthesis” or three, we need pics so we can all get copies (because we will all need copies) Love you loads XXX

    • You are wise, my Gina love (but already knew that). I am convinced that some of my friends just don’t know what to do or how to deal with what is happening. It’s the reason why I don’t try to reach them if they haven’t tried to reach me first, everybody needs their time and space to make sense of life and living…

      And about the pictures, well… of course! You probably already know that I won’t wear those things for real, not everyday. Just thinking of it makes my scalp it. But… they will be fantastic for dressing up. If I wasn’t certain that they would think I was mad, I would try to see if I could get a Bride of Frankenstein cranial prosthesis (I love that phrase, lol). Then again, if I do that, they might force me to see a psychiatrist. You can only push muggles so far before they start pulling their hair out. 😀

  7. we are conditioned from birth just about by society to equate our worth with how big our boobs are which is why, or one of the reason, losing one (or two) is devastating for so many women. good on you for knowing your worth is not in your boobs. and for helping that woman to face her challenge with a more positive attitude. I could definitely see you rocking Storm and Okoye!

    • You are so right, Ellen, and I wish you weren’t. I knew this before my mastectomy, but now I really know it. Since the surgery, I’ve had many women come to me and say the same words, “You are so beautiful.” But in the case of some of them, the expression doesn’t match the words. I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but they look as if they mean the words but their brains can’t understand why they are true… as if I shouldn’t be beautiful because deep in their society-fed bones something tells them that this level of different can’t be beautiful. It’s a strange feeling, to just stand there and say thank you… when what I really which to say is “I’m so sorry society has done this to you, so sorry.”

  8. It’s hard being in the light of a real life, kick ass, self assured goddess, unless you have a bit a kick ass in yourself. Now having said that, I know it is true for so many…..me included. I’m am slightly faint of heart, and completely awed by your strength, muchness and abilities. Your superpower is that smile and attitude of yours that corrupts the corruptible. You Rocketh Mucho. I think Gina is correct, so many of us are just in awe of you.
    Please continue to help us lily livered lovers of you gain strength from your powerful mindset.
    Love you so much and admire you even more. xoxo Oma Linda

    • I’ve always dreamed with the power to turn my smile into an pandemic! 😀

      I will never stop sharing… not ever… not while at least a few of you stay around, keeping the muse (and me) going. You are loved right back.

  9. I love your cosplay ideas, especially Okoye!

    Have you heard of the phenomenon called “chemo hair”? A friend with straight hair underwent chemo for breast cancer and after her hair grew back, it was naturally curly! I think the effect only lasted for a while though and then she went back to having straight hair again.

    • I’ve heard of it. Some people have told me that they went into chemo with their hair just slightly gray, but came out of it with hair gone all white or black. I’m hoping for white! 😀

  10. Do keep posting! Seeing you have posted makes me happy, and reading you through this chapter of your journey is a privilege. I adore your strength and your you-ness. I love that you made the sad lady laugh, and gave the boob lady a lesson to think about. Shine on! We are here, ready to accompany you all the way through.

  11. Every word of this means so much. You are truly a beautiful, incredibly talented woman. I’m glad you were able to bring laughter to the woman who was hurting. Your photos show your beauty which shines brightly from within. Wishing you continued strength and humor as you go through your treatments.

  12. Good for you, girl. It’s hard to see the best things, especially the best bits of ourselves, through this inverted C lens thing–but it also is a magnifying glass for them if you turn the lens the other way. I hug you in spirit, and thank you for all the love you make me feel, and all the courage you share. ((((()))))

  13. hey Magaly, a friend of mine was diagnosed last year with a particularly rare form of inflammatory BC, and has had chemo. She got fitted for a, ahem, cranial prosthesis…. wore it … and found it particularly uncomfortable.

    She realized after a bit she was wearing it for other people’s comfort, not her own… so then just said hell with it, wore hats in the sun, went gloriously Furiosa or even more smooth inside at her job, and now sports a bright white short do, after decades of long brunette tresses.

    wishing you strength and humor

    Michael

    • Your friend is very wise. I don’t plan to wear neither prostheses everyday, and our reasons are very similar–I feel quite fine without prostheses, so others can either feel fine too or look elsewhere. The breast prosthesis will be useful for specialty clothing (like armor), and the wig will be fun for playing dress up. Even the thought of wearing a wig makes my scalp it. I love scarves and hats and the idea of rocking the bald head and cool earrings.

      Thank you for the wishes, Michael. ♥

  14. Ello my love! I finished reading through this a few minutes ago. Awesome pics of bootiful you. Commented on Facebook on it, so just wanted to say that I have read it and loved the humor. You have beautiful writing. Keep at it girl. Love you ♥

  15. I just can’t say enough how awesome and inspiring you are. You make me look at my chronic illness through a different lens than my brain wants to and I can’t thank you enough for that.
    love & blessings
    ~*~

  16. As if being a totally cool and positive person, with a super sense of humor were not enough, you help others to look at themselves, and be proud of who they are. I salute you.

  17. my response to this:
    “But… we start losing who we are when we stop correcting people about what is true about our Selves.”……. is ……WORD!
    You’ve said so eloquently what i’ve been trying to tell my kids…you are what you think you are.

    • Everything starts with a thought. So I’m right with you, Vivian. We are, indeed, what we think we are. The moment we understand that and value what it means, we begin growing into better… Yes, we do.

  18. Magaly!!!! hugs and love sacred sister!
    I love these three shots of you..you carry such a witchy-faery-sneaky grin…I LOVE that about you! Your poem..makes my soul spark…profound and beautiful…like you! Visiting your world..makes life sparkle all the more…you are amazing!

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