Some of Us Are Made of Shades of Weird Only We Can See

Something can be absolutely worthless to us, but mean the world (plus a galaxy-full of peace of mind) to another. For this reason, I think we should always think a bit before opening our pie-holes, and offering opinions that are too focused on our own views of the world to hold much validity in someone else’s life.

You are probably wondering where I’m going with this, huh? Of course you are. I wouldn’t love you this much if you weren’t super brilliant. Well, since I relocated my main blogging efforts, I’ve been grumbling about how much work it will be to categorize Magaly Guerrero’s Pagan Culture, in order to turn it into an accessible archive. Someone, who probably thought I wasn’t within earshot, suggested I “created useless work” for myself. That if I didn’t have time to spend on something few people wanted anyway, I “should move on and shut up about it.”

I didn’t say anything to the person. Mostly because I was already upset about something else—I have this huge disability increase evaluation coming up, and I’m not looking forward to the poking and prodding my future holds—so most things that come out of my mouth in the heat of the moment would sound a tad irritated. After I cooled off, I just pushed the individual in question and the comment out of my mind for a while.

Then I started thinking about how small this person’s world must be. This would be the only explanation for her not seeing that different people have different needs and for different reasons. Let me give you an example: I can be quite obsessive. Most times this fact makes me stronger—I won’t let go of something until it’s done. But when my mind is vulnerable, my obsessive nature can take too much from me.

When I’m emotionally overwhelmed (the days around the anniversary of my little brother’s death were particularly tough), I must count. I have to physically count things like… words. I must place the tip of my finger on each word I type and count them aloud. Some might be telling themselves, “Um… mad Witch, you do know your computer can do that for you?” Yes, I know. But it doesn’t matter; my mind won’t quiet or give me peace until I count the damn things. When control is snatched away from me, I must find a way to get it back… or I can’t function.

The same is true for what I have to do with Magaly Guerrero’s Pagan Culture. I’m not sure how many truly understand how attached I am to that blog and its content; how much the theft hurt me. When someone took so much from it that the place was left like it was no longer mine, my brain needed a way to reclaim it. The archive will do that for me; so I can’t just choose not to do it. The compulsion to go through the posts, make them mine again, and find a proper home for them again is nearly as strong as the need to write this entry, so that the annoyance caused by the person who made the comment can leave my system and I don’t implode.

We all have a little weird in us. Some of us are made of shades of weird only we can see the importance of. I try to remind myself of that every time someone says or does something that feels ridiculous to me. If it makes sense to them and it doesn’t hurt me or anyone else, then all is good with the world. Living and letting others do the same is not such a complex notion, so I wonder why it is so difficult for some people to conceive.

KittiesStrange Funny Weird Crazy Absurd Awesome

33 thoughts on “Some of Us Are Made of Shades of Weird Only We Can See”

  1. *hug* We grieve and we heal in different ways. If you need more things to count or just someone to cheer when you get to numbers that end in 13, you know where I am. 🙂

  2. Do things the way you need to do them to find comfort. I tend to get a little controlling when the big things I have no control over go haywire. It is my coping mechanism to be able to bring a little order into the chaos. Your word babies were kidnapped, you are doing your best to make sure the rest of them are safe!

    • When we can’t control the big things, we try to make up by doing our best with the little ones. If there aren’t any little ones, we are artist: we create them… and we make them as safe as we can.

    • If we allow horrid people to pull on our tears strings, we might drown. ♥

      I, too, like the word pie-hole. It got me into trouble a lot, while I was in boot camp. Every time a drill instructor said it, I would grin… and end up on the quarterdeck doing push ups and mountain climbers, lol!

  3. We all have our special ways of dealing and coping. It is understandable that you have such a fierce need to reclaim your word babies and put them in correct, to you, order. As I have said in the past…….honor your own crazy and screw the rest of the world. You are the only one who has to wait for sleep to come at night. No one else, not even Piano Man can calm your heart at that moment when your brain is cleansing itself for rest. I do so understand this. Much love, xoxo Oma Linda

    • You are so right, my Oma. Only we know what makes us right again. And we can’t let anyone else try to do it for us. It will only create a lot terrible feelings. The best thing in life is figuring out what makes us happy, and then doing it.

      • By the way, I had Ry on my mind when I typed this post. I wondered how many times, he will have to express similar sentiments to someone too obtuse to know any better (or to care). Then I prayed he didn’t really have to. A girl can dream… ♥

        • When I first read your reply, I was touched with a sense of wonder. Just this week Ry has had to defend his position, yet again with a child who insists on Ry having to play with him. In fact this child has gotten the school social worker to weigh in on the incident again. Ry was made to feel that he had no “right” to say no to playing with this kid who puts hands on him during a gym class. We (at home) have told him to walk away when he can, but that he doesn’t have to feel like he has to play with or have anything to do with this kid. The social worker sees that as him being selfish. It’s been a trial for him. So yes, we do so understand and I appreciate your being “in tune” with Ry and his feelings.

          • Sometimes, I really tire of a world that sees a bit of selfishness as something to be ashamed of. Be good to yourself, they say. Love who you are, they say. But the moment the choice comes between loving you as you are and soothing social sensitivities, then you become the villain. Stupid, stupid, stupid (and damn selfish) if you ask me.

            I would understand if they said that Ry has to work with someone in class, even if he is not particularly fond of them. But to pressure him into playing with someone he doesn’t like? Where does individuality and freedom of choice enters the equation?

  4. Such snarkiness! Perhaps it’s spite from a person jealous that you weren’t doing what they wanted you to. So long as this archive provides balm for your soul it’s the right thing to do. *hugs*

    • I didn’t think about it, but there was some of that. I wasn’t able to do something with said individual because after the thievery, my workload has nearly double. So I need more time with my own stuff. Now, I wonder, wonder, wonder…

  5. I deal with things that bother me by hiding in the computer, playing games that distract my brain and thoughts and let them gradually sift through until I can consciously deal with them. BUT, my daughter has OCD and deals with pain and stress in entirely different ways like obsessively rearranging things until everything is aligned just so. She also counts and sorts them so they make mathematical sense to her. It is true, we are all weird in our own ways and I applaud you for taking back what is yours in whatever way will help you the most. Loss in all forms is a very personal thing and no one can tell you what works for you.

    • I do color-coding, arranging by sizes, ironing (don’t ask) and multiplications while listening to an audiobook or music is reserved for when I’m about to explode. It can be rather time consuming…

      What games do you play to find your center?

      P.S. If you have a blog or other online profile, please link it to your comment. Like that I can follow you back to your cyber-home… like a proper stalking. 😀

  6. Is it mean or over-protective of me to say that I hope the insensitive, obviously couldn’t-be-bothered-with-your-broken-heart, person who told you to put-up or shut-up reads this, sees themselves, and then slinks back into their small world? Is it?

  7. I hope it wasn’t me. It doesn’t sound like me. I am sorry that happened but glad for this post which tells it like it is in some quotable quotes–attributed, of course. Sending sending strength and Light.

    • Ha! Of course it wasn’t you. I think you’ve known. I made sure to tell the person what I thought about her opinion; not in a bad way, just the truth: it wasn’t wanted and I thought it to be insensitive.

      I think few artists will ever say something like, “Forget about someone taking your creating and move on.” We do keep on keeping on, but our loss stays near… especially at the beginning. I find myself feeling a tad more guarded, and I don’t like it. I know things will go back to normal… But for now, I’m allowing myself the freedom to be upset, and the time to more the recent violation. I’ll move on when I’m ready. And not because someone is trying to push me.

      Thanks so much for the strength and light! ♥

  8. I soooooo relate to this! I’m extremely obsessive! I’m sure people would think I was in urgent need of a straitjacket if they knew half the things I need to do to stop from feeling out of control and unable to function. These things may be pointless time-wasting to others but for me they give me relief from the exhaustion of my brain becoming a messy shambles of over-thinking. I really don’t understand why some people get so exasperated by the harmless quirks of others.

  9. It sounds like a control thing, or just a blindness to the fact other people have entirely different thoughts in their head. If it doesn’t infringe on any body else, why would they say anything quite so negative?

    I’m really sorry you have the disability increase evaluation coming up. Being means tested is always a grim assessments of your worth by systems that don’t have any regard for what you really are. That must be dehumanising and distressing in all kinds of ways.

    • “dehumanizing” is an accurate way of putting it. I will never understand how they can’t see that every time they subject us to tests and more tests and more tests that tells them just how broken we are, they break us a little more. But hey, that’s what they do, right? And one day, they’ll have to tell their maker why.

  10. I am the same way with my things. And people DO care, it is not just you that cares about your work. I agree that person’s mind must be very small indeed. I am obsessive about cataloguing my art on web albums. Does anyone look at them? Who knows! But it is a catalogue of MY work for me. Whether or not anyone cares, it is something I am proud of. And I am sure you feel the exact same way.

  11. People suck as a whole…I say that then read the supportive comments here and am reminded not ALL people suck. Organizing things is an excellent way of implementing control over a world that is so often out of our control. I, myself, obsessively Pin things and create pointless boards on Pinterest. If I spent half the time actually organizing my house as I do Pinning about how to organize my house, it wouldn’t look like a tornado touched down there. We all cope the best way we know how in this crazy world.

    • Whenever someone asks me why I do this kind of moaning and complaining and sharing online, I respond with something similar to what you said in your first two lines. People suck. And we need to share things like this, in order to remind ourselves that not all people suck.

      I sooo need to go and see what you have pinned… and steal it. 😀

  12. Some people! Well, it’s their karma, not yours! Bitch slap them and walk away! You do what you have to do! Believe you me, I do some strange things! LOL! One of them is rubbing the palms of my hands together really fast. I don’t know why I do it, but it gives me a burst of energy and I feel good! LOL! Love you ;o)

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