“Everybody has somebody. It could be a friend, a lover, a spouse, a writing partner… Sometimes they exist to comfort you. Sometimes they exist to drive you absolutely mad. [Sometimes they exist to help you find your center].” ~ Terry Pratchett [and moi]
Some bits of me
I love most—the broken,
the hurt, the sacrificed…
the soft and dark and wild,
the bits of me that make me
everything I am.
I shared that wee bit of lived poetry on Instagram, a day or two ago, with this note. And I was thinking about those words—the broken, the hurt, the sacrificed… the soft and dark and wild… everything I am—while I sat on a chemo chair, feeling the drugs march into my bloodstream, readying to fight the dirty fight, doing all they can do (all we can do) to win that war.
I thought about the words of a friend, who said, “the doctors are making sure to do everything they can to rid you of bad cells. Focus on that, and envision the cells vaporizing… your positivity will do the rest. You are too ALIVE for it to have a chance.” I closed my eyes and smiled, played with my Piano Man’s hair, and let all my ALIVE vaporize the unwanted.
I was so exhausted when I started the infusion today. Not so much because of the actual treatment, but because yesterday, I had lymphedema physical therapy, cooked my meals for the next few days, and spent way too much time editing and rewriting some old and some just-born words on my new walk-and-write! treadmill (my Piano Man is an enabler of ink-monsters).
That weariness was the reason why I did not write this post this morning. Not because I couldn’t do it, but because if I had done it then, I would’ve gotten home and gone straight to bed. Not the best thing for my flesh and bones and brain after chemotherapy. I can’t really exercise now (my feet are too swollen), but I can stretch and massage my limbs, and then do the same for my brain (by reading and writing and such…).
So, to those of you who have said that I’m “awesome” and “inspiring” for sharing my life-kissed words, I say: “Feel the wild energy carried by every word you’ve attached to my armor, embrace all that power, make it part of your own shield.” Because, you see, today, my desire to share words with you was the only thing keeping me from falling victim to my blankets a lot earlier than I should. Today, a lot of my awesome comes directly from you.
Slowly, your encouragement has become a bit of me I value almost as much as my stunning scars and my striking teeth (and if you know me at all, then you understand just how valuable this is to me).
Thank you, my awesome, inspiring, amazing, fantastic… Wicked Luvs.
Want to join the sharing yum? It’s easy. Just write a post about something or someone that makes your life better. If nothing specific comes to mind, by all means, go with what I went: tell us about how a cyber-friend (or a bunch of them) might’ve helped you get through some really tough days.
I value me
(all my bits),
rough spots and all.