Igor Had Me in Stitches and Other not-so-Monstrous Bits

I’m never late to a party where the guests of honor are monsters. But my jaw and I found ourselves forced to spend unscheduled quality time with the fang doctor, and now I’m flying to May Monster Madness with Mistress Tardiness wailing horrors down my neck.

Right now, my jaw hates the whole world. And I don’t think there is a word that effectively describes what she feel towards scalpels, stitches, and the sound some people make when they are convinced that they can get milkshake out of an empty cup, if they just suck harder on their straw. I’m not sure why *cough*, but I think my jaw will stay irritated for a while. When I asked her if she would write this post for me, she said, “Certainly. I’ll use the fang physician’s blood as ink and make parchment out of his skin and—”

Um… I decided to write the post myself, since I didn’t think the visit was that horrible. I even laughed while I was being tortured. You see, my oral surgeon’s first name is Igor. So, of course, the moment a hand, equipped with needle and thread, approached my mouth, I lost it… and roared with laughter. He just kept on stitching. I was impressed by the steadiness of his hands. After he was done suturing, I tried explaining why I had laughed like a lunatic. But… the laughter came back, and I only said, “Igor! Stitches!” He finally got it, and yep, roared.

My jaw is still holding on to her rage, so my contribution to this year’s MMM is a short, simple sampler of not-so-monstrous bits with monsters in them:

The 1st offering is a Gary Larson cartoon that illustrates something I’ve always wondered about the more violent halves of monsters who are not monstrous all the time. How do they feel about their seemingly less threatening halves?

 

The 2nd was crafted in the middle of the night—the monstering hour—while I tried to convince my jaw that pain is the most terrible of gods, that he can not be defeated with more pain, so wishing for our head to explode wouldn’t help.

 

The 3rd and final offering was inspired by a tweet, whose vileness should not be repeated. The disgusting statement left me thinking that no beast will ever be as terrible or despicable as the human monster.  

 

Hm, I went from bright to ominous without meaning to. I guess I could blame it on my jaw, but I won’t. We must never disregard our human monsters… not today, when their corruption spreads to the highest hills.

Don’t forget to visit Annie Walls, the host of May Monster Madness 2018, to see what else is brewing…

 

May Monster Madness

My little bloodied red dress is ready. I’m accessorizing it with a hammer, an ax, and perhaps an onyx dagger with a chic rubied handle. Onyx and rubies are all the rage at monster blog parties these days. And when it comes to monstrous partying, nothing tops May Monster Madness.

Don’t worry if you feel like you have nothing to wear (or if you need more time to sharpen your accessories), for the party doesn’t start until Saturday, May 28th, 2016. I really hope to see you there. You don’t have to be a monster to attend the festivities. In fact, you don’t even have to like monsters (although, if your dislike of monsters is known… you might want to make your bling extra sharp and extra pointy). Wondering how to participate in the yum, my Luvs? It’s easy:

You can write (fiction, poetry, monstrous articles), you can paint, craft, sculpt… you can tell us about the little monsters that haunt or beautify your garden, your closet, your mind… Like the delightful mistress of Little Gothic Horrors says in the main party post, for this summer soirée, you can explore “Whatever interests you, as long as it is monster-y in some way!” Yep, you can go for mythological creatures, fairy tale monsters, hilarious monsters, lovable monsters that creep and crawl, hateable human monsters that make your skin crawl, cute monstrous kids…

By the way, earlier this month, a friend *waves at Winter Moon* shared a page from John Kenn Mortensen’s Sticky Monsters. I, as you can probably imagine, fell completely in love with the creepy wee creatures. So… I decided to base my May Monster Madness contribution on one of Señor Mortensen’s creations. But… I haven’t been able to pick just one. Would you like to help me choose? If so, let me know if you would like me to write about the 1st, 2nd or 3rd illustration. If you’re feeling particularly motivated, I would love to know the why behind your suggestion.

1. Now, that’s what I call a sprouting nose…
Sticky Monsters, by John Kenn Mortensen (1)

2. His nightshirt would make fabulous Halloween curtains…
Sticky Monsters, by John Kenn Mortensen (2)

3. They practically bent over backwards for her…
Sticky Monsters, by John Kenn Mortensen (3)

Visit Little Gothic Horrors for specific details. And while you’re there… why not join in? 😉
May Monster Madness, 2016

Party!